I hate it when everything sucks.
You ever wake up in a foul mood, knowing that you're going to have one of those grinding your back teeth, crappy, "I wish a muthafucker would" days? That was me, today.
Some guy smiled at me this morning and I was all like, "What the fuck you looking at?!".
On the inside.
It must've shown on my face because he blinked at me with wide eyes then frowned and walked away with his head down. Normally I would feel kinda bad but today I was all like, "Good. Fuck you, nice innocent stranger guy. Go spread the love."
I skipped out on a meeting this afternoon so that I could take a walk through downtown, get some fresh air and blow off some steam. I stomped down the busy sidewalk with my fists clenched at my sides, grumbling internally about the fact that we have a president who thinks it's funny to joke about lowering the price of gas. On top of that, there's a big ghetto ass gap where the shitty vinyl floor in our bathroom meets the hardwood at the door because Husband laid it down wrong in our stupid house that we couldn't flip because the goddamn market tanked! Husband is Buddhist and from a third world country so he was all like, "We can live with this."
Stupid zen calm man who knows what true poverty looks like!
I was actually having a nice walk. The sky was overcast but the air was warm. I got to yell "Fuck You!" at some asshole in an SUV who honked his horn at an old woman in the crosswalk. I stopped and pretended to shake a rock out of my shoe and he had to wait through another light. A homeless man on the corner pointed at the driver of the SUV and laughed, Ha! Ha!, like the kid from the Simpsons.
That made me feel better.
I stopped at Peet's to get a green tea. A baby in a stroller took his pacifier out of his mouth, sneezed then put his pacifier back. "You're ruining my bad mood," I told him. He took his pacifier out and grinned with his four teeth.
I walked slowly back to my building sipping my green tea frappathingie and saw Innocent Stranger Guy from this morning. He was sitting by a fountain eating a sandwich half-wrapped in tinfoil. He sat with his knees together with an orange holding down a wrinkled brown paper bag in his lap. He had long eyelashes and smooth cheeks and lots of shiny dark hair that parted in the breeze. He wore tan socks and the knobs of his ankles protruded over the sides of his big brown shoes.
I stopped in front of him. He gazed up at me, chewing. I pointed at his foot.
"Tie your shoe, sweetheart," I said.
He swallowed and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "I will," he said, smiling. "Thank you very much."